i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
