bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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