Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
