No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
