I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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