We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
