I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
