Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
