come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
