Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
