Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize