Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Too much gin, very little bucket
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
