i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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