Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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