I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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