We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
