you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
