I love black thongs
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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