my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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