Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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