I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
