Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
