I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
