Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
