I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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