make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
