you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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