Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
