I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize