you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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