Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
