I accidentally had phone sex last night
i permit you to call me
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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