I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize