Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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