I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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