im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
