His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
