K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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