News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The air was thick with penises
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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