My underwear smells like fireworks.
time to smoke my breakfast
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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