I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Just invented taco cereal.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
