They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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