Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize