Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
