its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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