Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
