a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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