It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
