so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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