What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
