im drinking this country out of the recession.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
