I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
