Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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