I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
