Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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