they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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