Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
