If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
