Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
