every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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