sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
His nipple licking is glorious
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