I've blown a few things in my day
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
