I must be too annoying 4 u.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
