Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
