Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
