he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
