this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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