Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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