Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
