I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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